it's me again - i'm a bad blogger. i know. it's been how long?

i just wanted to update you on my newest obsession: mcdonald's monopoly. you can get a $1 sweet tea and two game pieces. me, my boyfriend, and my boyfriend's brother have all got a monopoly ring going. we're sharing all of our pieces. throw in another 50 cents and you've got yourself an apple pie. ah.

fall break, by the way. is a joke. two days - and we don't get labor day or veteran's day off. so it's like taking labor day and veteran's day and cramming them into one weekend.

procrastinating, again, by the way. i've really got to write 6 journals and read a story, but i'm taking my sweet time. gotta be at work at 9 am tomorrow and im not gonna finish till like 5 because i've got dehabilitating add.

aye.

stay safe. i'll see you when i see you.

xxoo

i was doing astronomy homework.

and while you're sleeping tonight, i'll be working on leadership homework.

ah, so busy.

so tired.

xx

guilty as charged.

2,111 words.

and i'm out.

let's all observe a moment of silence for steve irwin, the crazy crocodile bastard. stabbed to death by a stingray.

situational irony wins again.

take another time-out to comment. about what, you ask?

what else?


snakes.

on a plane.

actually, the really shitty music video from the end of the movie is on vh1 right now (yet another reason i never watch vh1) and i just noticed that the girl in the video (who is hosting the show, coincidentally) looks like the love child of courtney love and andy dick with a mohawk.

i dare you to fall asleep with that image fresh in your mind.

almost there. i've got 855 of about 1500 words.

my only incentive to finish is so that i can get in my bed where it's nice and warm. it's freaking freezing in here.

i am not procrastinating. i am not procrastinating. i am not procrastinating.

okay, let's face it. i am. got a paper due in ten hours. a thousand words to go. i can do it. i just don't want to.

but since i'm procrastinating, i'll go ahead and let you in on how great short pump mall in richmond is. we're talking two city blocks (if not more) and two stories. every amazing retailer you can imagine. nordstrom, macy's, ann taylor, ann taylor loft, guess, express, white house | black market, sigrid olson, everything under the sun. and for the homeowner - crate and barrel, pottery barn, and west elm. ah, so much to buy, so little time.

randy and i spent two days there this past weekend. amazing.

back to my paper. i'll let you know how it goes.

xxoo

okay, i'll admit it. i'm a sell out.

i actually paid to see some "motherfuckin snakes on a motherfuckin plane" on saturday night.

and it was everything i expected it to be and more.

as i was checking facebook earlier, i came across a mail from someone associated with my "i was anti-bush before it was cool" group. apparently this snakes on a plane business is more serious than i had thought originally. you can now enter yourself and have your friends vote you as the "biggest snakes on a plane fan".

and there's a trailer for the movie playing as you're voting for the person you may want to re-consider calling a friend.

which brings us to my quote for the year:

"i've had it with these mother fucking snakes on a mother fucking plane."

thank you, samuel l. now we know that your career has officially gone straight down the toilet.

call me crazy, but i love buying school supplies. i'm not sure what it is about buying post-it notes and ink pens that makes me happy, but i do know that i adore finding new and nifty high-lighters and trendy new mechanical pencils. (i say that like they're the newest fall fashion must-have.) if that makes me a loser, then so be it.

anyway, our first day of actual class was today. pretty much standard "welcome to my class, here is the syllabus" kind of thing. i hate the first week of school. and i also hate that i'm stuck lugging around books for three classes on mondays and wednesdays. i'm going to look like a hunchback by the end of the semester.

actually, i carry a messenger bag, so i'm going to look like a living, breathing, walking tower of pizza. something to look forward to.

my mom thinks that she's been good about "not calling every day" but i don't think that she realizes that she has left at least one message on my cell phone per day for the last six days consecutively. they have only been gone for five days. you can do the math.

got two new books this week. i dont know why i keep buying books. i've got at least seven that i have and want to read and probably won't get to before the end of the semester. i'm working on confessions of a shopaholic by sophie kinsella right now. then i've got another sophie kinsella book, the undomestic goddess. and then i have a karyn bosnak memoir and novel. save karyn and 20 times a lady. then i've got one i ordered at the behest of jen lancaster. can't remember the title. all before i can even think about reading anything else. then i bought waiting by debra grinsberg because i have a feeling that i can relate. and then i've got the cinderella pact by sarah shohmeyer. so i've got a pretty busy semester ahead of me. plus all the required reading. and cosmo every month.

i do believe, though, that i am going to retire now for the evening. i've got an eleven am a demain. leadership 210. can't wait. then math at one.

stay safe.

bad things that have happened since i left for college:

1. my mom’s right headlight is six times brighter than any other headlight on the road. it blinded me for five and a half hours.

2. at two fifteen in the morning, my left rear tire blows out. my dad is drunk and has many issues changing said tire. traffic whizzes by at ridiculously high speeds. i cannot find my spotlight.

3. arrive at hotel that looked excellent on paper. hotel is not excellent. in fact, hotel is crap. and it is scary as fuck. let’s examine how: one of the comforters is ripped to shreds, the room reeks of smoke, the box springs and mattresses are too large for bed frame, the overhead light cover is broken, the bathroom smells like mildew, there is no hair dryer, and my sister found a cigarette butt on the floor.

4. take my car to the tire place to have the blown tire replaced. find out that my car has more than seven hundred dollars worth of damage. apparently, i hit a pothole that caused the spring in my rear left tire to become loose. in this collision (that must have happened in my sleep) something important detached itself from something else important also at the rear left tire.

5. find out that we cannot replace just one of the “something importants” on my car and instead must replace both of them. (apparently there is one on each side of the car near the tires. i am not entirely sure what this part is called, but apparently it is necessary to make the car operate in safe and street-legal manner.)

6. we are now stranded at merchant’s tire. we are forced to call a cab. cabbie cannot speak english that well. he speaks ebonics rather fluently, however.7. as we head to virginia beach, we discover that the hampton roads bridge/tunnel is experiencing delays of more than ten to twenty minutes. my father is claustrophobic, so we depart with the hopes of going to the beach and get off of the interstate. apparently, in this area, “no reentry signs” are not what you would consider customary. so we end up headed towards langley air force base with no idea where to go. (luckily though, i am able to find my way back to the highway using an alternate entrance/exit.)

8. when we try to check out of our shit hole hotel (because i refuse to stay there another night. honestly? it’s probably the most disgusting thing i’ve ever seen. even if it looks nice from the outside.) the guys at the counter try to charge us twice. we spend the next hour and a half on the phone with the people from travelocity. never again.

9. trying to find the new hotel, i get the directions the woman gave me mixed up. in other words, we had a misunderstanding. i figured out what went wrong, called the hotel, got the right directions, head towards the hotel. my ill tempered, drunkard father picks a fight with me and screams the entire time.

10. since we had both cars loaded up to bring to school, we had had to unload the subaru into our shit hole room earlier in the day before we went to have the tire fixed. the jeep is already packed full of stuff and our room is full of stuff. it takes more than three trips to move the stuff from our old shit room to our new room.

11. we’re going to be stuck moving all of my shit to school in one car. it’s going to take three trips and it’s going to be a pain in the ass.

to top it off? my father’s being his usual people-loving, ever-friendly, “i’ve-never-heard-of-an-open-container-law-and-thus-do-not-obey-them-even-when-my-under-age-daughter-is-driving-the-car” self and ruining this trip even more so for everyone involved. how’s that for a nice relaxing vacation before i go off to college.

you know what this blog needs?


snakes.

on a plane.

my mom: so, i've boxes for you.

me: okay.

my mom: you can put clothes in these boxes. [she starts picking up boxes and waving them in front of my face ] here's a box, here's a box, and here's a box.

me: i see mom. they're in my room.

[ i proceed to make my vegetales fruit snacks begin to dance. ]

my mom: you have doctors appointments wednesday, and two on thursday.

me: two on thursday?

my mom: i want you to get your meningitis shot and talk to a doctor about your insomnia.

[ the dancing stops. ]

me: i can't do that in one visit?

[ a beat ]

my mom: nervous about moving yet?

me: no.

my mom: just... please, please, travel in groups.

me: thanks for the tip, mom. i remember the buddy system. third grade wasn't that long ago.

this is what i've been putting up with for the past week. i don't think i'm going to make it to next week because i may throw myself from my window before then.

tom cruise. on my television. speaking with a scottish accent.

can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?

i've been watching murphy, my turtle, for approximately thirteen minutes and i've come to the conclusion that he's a strange little animal. and mean. we're separated by five feet and a plexiglass aquarium, yet he's still attempting to bite me. can't say he doesn't have spunk.

anyway, i ordered save karyn, by karyn bosnak. i checked out her blogger site (www.prettyinthecity.blogspot.com) and her myspace and read excerpts and decided i wanted the book so i went on a book hunt yesterday. four bookstores. not a single one had it in stock.

i've got a list of books to read like fourteen pages long. first and foremost, i have to finish into the wild. then i've got the undomestic goddess to finish. then i've got confessions of a shopaholic. by the time i finish with those, i’ll be able to start 20 times a lady. and by the time i finish that one, i should have save karyn and can you keep a secret?.

then i get to start on christopher moore books. bloodsucking friends is at the top of the list. by the way? christopher moore? complete genius. check him out at www.myspace.com/theauthorguy. i want to get to a couple more of his books and read them. and hopefully, by that time, jen landcaster's newest memoir will be out. if not, i'm sure i'll have plenty more.

had a decent night a work, though. didn't have to spit in anyone's food.

dreading tomorrow though. unless the boys decide to grace me with their presence.

xxoo

btw - still got that whole insomnia thing.

for those of you who have never held a job, have never worked in food-service, or are thinking about applying for a job in food-service, let me be the first to tell you to run like hell in the other direction.

trust me when i say that waiting tables is not for everyone. some people just can't do it. unfortunately, i am not one of those people. and for the most part, i don't mind what i do (save for the excessive bullshit from fellow employees and middle management), but there are some nights that make me hate all god's children with renewed vigor and a newfound ardorence.

i'll paint you a pretty picture with a nice little anecdote here.

waitress greets table of three teenage males. males order water all around. waitress tries not to groan at their obvious cheapness and the rude way the teenage mutant ninja turtles order their water. instead, she retrieves said water with a smile and politely inquires what boys would like for dinner. all three males order chicken tenders and french fries. waitress smiles and puts in order. food is served and waitress accidently drops one chicken tender onto floor and manages to get two french fries stuck between her cleavage. waitress returns with two chicken tenders to the one dropped and apologizes profusely. larry, curly, and moe laugh at her misfortune. she can take that. she knows she looked like an idiot. males run waitress to death, requesting ranch dressing, more biscuits and drinking water like camels. waitress bears all with a smile - after all, the key to being a good server is maintaining a good attitude. when the pigs empty their troughs, waitress brings three separate checks that say "thank you" on the back. a nice gesture that she extends towards everyone. (plus, she read once in a magazine that 54 percent of people tip higher when there's a hand-written note on the back of the check.) boys pay with twenty dollar bill, mommy's credit card, and a fifty dollar bill for balances of less than ten dollars. waitress returns change (in dollar bills, y'all) and wishes boys a nice evening. they wish her a nice evening back, all the while making fun of her because she is not a size two and she does not have platinum blonde hair. waitress returns to the table after dumb, dumber, and dumbest leave, to find a handful of change (mostly pennies) and two singles. waitress finds credit card slip (signed with no tip) soaking in a puddle of water on a tip tray covered with butter. needless to say, waitress is a little irritated with the high-school-cool-kids-soon-to-be college-fail-outs.

later that evening, waitress talks to host and discovers that not only did the "cool kids" give her a hard time, they also overturned all the ranch dressing and honey mustard they sent her on conquests to retreive for them. and all that water she poured for them? also in a puddle on the table. now she's a little past irritated. but wait! there's more, you say? they buttered the wall? what!? now waitress gets to scrub butter from a brick wall. oh, she's fuming now. but it's okay. she gets to go home. all she has to do is clean the lid from the ketchup bottle and re-fill the salt shaker. why is the salt shaker only half-full, you ask. waitress removes cap from ketchup bottle to find half of a salt shaker poured into the neck of the ketchup bottle. a brand new ketchup bottle. you can actually see the steam rising from her ears now. she picks up the salt shaker and you guessed it, the lid falls off. apparently, these kids took a page right out of shawn hunter's book about ten years too late. (you remember? boy meets world, 1994. shawn loosens the salt shaker so when minkus uses it, he'll ruin his hamburger.) waitress officially hates all people.

what? this is a true story? yes, everyone. this is an actual detailed account of the events that took place just hours ago at my workplace. rest assured that these three boys have been officially black balled from my business establishment and if i ever see them on the streets, i'm going to throw tomatoes at them. why would anyone act like this in a restaurant? i have no clue. i just know that i see a lot of people that give the human race a bad name on a daily basis but these asshats are by far, the worst.

do you or someone you know act like this? if so, be sure to steer clear of my restaurant. because next time? i am spitting in your food.

over the course of the past three weeks or so, i have developed this little thing that i like to call insomnia. with it, comes sleepless nights, lots of completely random life philosophies, and a disdain for the bed you toss and turn in each night, desperately wishing for sleep to come.

by some holy miracle, i was able to make it to sleep prior to four am this morning. unfortunately for me, i had one of the most terrifying and life-like dreams i've had in a while.

you know those dreams where you swear you can practically feel what's happening around you? yeah, it was one of those dreams. it didn't even matter that it was completely unrealisitc. all that matters is that it scared the living hell out of me and woke me up by four-thirty.

in my dream, i was going for a run (first indication that it was in fact a dream, seeing as how i have not had the time to hit the gym or go for a run peacefully in quite some time) and while i was on this run, the skies parted (i'm blaming moses) and it began to rain. we're talking torrential down-pour. i was soaked to the bone. and all this rain in such a short amount of time caused the creeks to overflow and the road to flood. so i decide that instead of stopping at the first house that i come to (which happens to be my aunt alice's house), i'll try to trek through this armageddon-like monsoon and try to reach my grandfather's house. i make this decision even as lightning is striking mere feet from where i swim. not stand, not walk, not run. from where i swim. because in my dreams, i'm apparently not bright enough to remember anything from galbreath's physics class, and momentarily forget that water is an excellent conductor of electricity. anyway, i move forward and as i'm thinking "oh shit, lightning," i get hit in the hand by a lightning bolt. i know zeus is laughing his ass off. i swear to you, i felt this thing in my toes. and i don't mean in my dreams. i felt it in my bed.

needless to say, i woke up.

god is punishing me for something. or he has a sick sense of humor.

xxoo

woo, let's play some catch up. or rather, let's play some get to know each other (or not) since i've never used blogspot before.

since i last blogged (ouuu, i'm a blogger now. hah!) i have done absolutely nothing. well, i've worked. and i went to busch gardens (with the fam.), but that's the extent of my summer excitement. hey, i never claimed to be exciting. the most exciting thing that's happened around here in the past few weeks is the grand opening of panera. (totally a disappointment. i ordered my chicken caesar sandwich before i found out that they had chicken noodle soup and didn't even get the sandwich. i got a salad instead. the ticket clearly stated "czr SAND". illiterate idiots.) and the boyfriend's soup was cold. w-t-f? isn't the grand opening supposed to be amazing?

anyway. i've been roped into taking my nine-year old sister and her nine-year old best friend to both the movies and the mall tomorrow afternoon. i believe that i will officially be in hell. according to my mother, they tend to get out of control. which is something i'm really looking forward to.

that's okay though, because tomorrow is august 1. which means i get to pick up all of the goodies i pre-ordered from clinique. a facial exfoliater, an awesome shade of lipstick called 'de lovely', brand new lipstick, and an eyelid highlighter. i also plan to be checking out a darker shadow shade and ann taylor. although the little rugrats may break me before i get to the counter

i suppose that since it is past two am, i should get to sleep. i need to clean out my bottomless pit of a car before i put people in it tomorrow. and then i get to spend the day with the mickey mouse club. yay!

anyone know of a cure of insomnia?

got time? check out snarkywood. my newest love.

jen landcaster is the goddess of wit.

xxoo

About This Blog

This is basically a collection of my daily (or weekly...) thoughts, philosophies, rambling, rants, and the occasional reminsicing.

my blog
book reviews de moi
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• fall break, apple pie, and mcdonald's monopoly
• while you were sleeping last night...
• i did it
• almost forgot.
• had to
• almost there.
• i am not...
• i'm a sell-out
• it's official.
• it's that time of year again.

• August 2006
• September 2006
• October 2006

• snarkywood.com
• the blog de jen landcaster

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sumerdaze01
summer.christine@gmail.com

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